From matching pajamas to blocking numbers, this year’s “Christmas Love Story” isn’t ideal if you’ve recently suffered a split from your (once) favorite person. While most are bumping mugs at the breakfast table, putting up personalized stockings over the fireplace, or kissing under the mistletoe, many are navigating the end of a relationship with someone they saw forever with. However, finding ways to handle a holiday breakup is often a struggle.
In a season famous for showing off the couples’ photoshoots, exchanging his and her gifts around the tree, and bonding over cookie-baking for “Santa,” it’s an overwhelming sadness that comes with realizing you don’t have your Mr. or Mrs. Claus to accompany the festivities. Thus, loneliness then uses your hopeless romantic heart as a playground for granting second chances to the ex-lover who showed you they weren’t any good the first time.
Before you know it, you’ve fallen victim to the “hey, big head” text (aka the “could I come back if I wanted to” game) masked as merry wishes. Now, you’re stuck wondering when Yuletide check-ins became excuses for holding on instead of letting go and carrying this vicious cycle into the New Year.
We get it. Sadly, no one talks about how antagonizing grieving an individual who’s still alive can be. The connection. The memories. The good… and the bad. It is now forced to become a figment of your imagination as if you two are strangers who never existed in each other’s world. No more dates to see the neighborhood light show or deciding whose family’s house would be the go-to for dinner on the 25th. Every plan you’ve had has been canceled in the blink of an eye. But… despite how much of a mental funk you’re in, someday, it won’t hurt as badly.
Whether you were the one to chuck up the deuces or they walked away, taking the necessary steps toward your healing process amid this emotional challenge is crucial.
Here are six tips on maneuvering through Christmastime after separating from a partner.
Ways to Handle a Holiday Breakup & Get Your Mind Right for the New Year
1. Delete the Photos
While everyone rants about the importance of “deleting the number” and going “no contact,” the power of cleaning out any trace of your former boo in your camera roll is forgotten. It’s easy to sulk about what could’ve been and couldn’t be when you’re piled up in bed, staring at pictures of the happy moments your iPhone captured. Move those flicks to the trash folder in your gallery and (permanently) leave them there. It’s enough that he/she has a space in your brain; don’t let them chill rent-free on your device, too.
2. Embark on a Social Media Cleanse
Partaking in a cyber detox isn’t bragged about enough. With extravagant engagements and pregnancy pop-outs dominating our online feeds comes the thief of joy: comparison. From proposals to babies, it’s not uncommon for the spirit of jealousy to creep up when you see others getting the fairytale ending you so desperately desire. Things like that only heighten the (daily) need you feel to stumble your way to your past mate’s profile, drowning in a puddle of tears as you scroll through their page and watch them (seemingly) live their best life… without you.
Wipe your face, chin up, and stop checking for them. Although it may be difficult to go the whole month without social media access, start small with a week and work your way up. Delete the apps… if you have to. This aids in mentally resetting and refocusing on what truly matters: yourself.
3. Create a Mini Holiday Bucket List
Filling your agenda with fun activities will ensure that intrusive thoughts are at bay and won’t prohibit you from enjoying the peace and joy of this time of the year. Grab a few family members and schedule a “12 Days of Christmas” marathon with a full itinerary of Christmas-themed plans. Catch the caroling crew downtown. Head to the mountains to ski.
Try that new pho spot where their soups are said to soothe the coldest parts of the soul. Decorate your home by yourself for the first time in who-knows-how-long. Do what makes your heart smile. While alone time may be needed on your journey to recovery, embracing the company of loved ones or the general public can be refreshing.
4. Write a Love Letter
There’s nothing more freeing than jotting your thoughts on paper. At the core of the “hatred” you may feel is still love. Release it. Not for them… but for you. Pen an essay as if you’re sending it to the person that describes every emotion you’ve felt throughout the relationship and the breakup. How many times they made you cry. Where you both went wrong and even right. Your final goodbye before moving on… once and for all.
Sit in that for a minute, and don’t ignore it. Once written, set the letter ablaze and watch as it sizzles to ashes. You’re in an era of burning what no longer serves you and realizing you’re worth more.
5. Revisit an Old Passion
Pouring the same love into yourself that you were giving that other person is the only way to work your way out of the rut the relationship’s end has you buried in. Get to know who you are again. Understand your likes and dislikes.
Date yourself. Reconnect in nature. Pick up that hobby you put down. Find the you that was lost in them. This could be something as simple as nurturing the painter in you who loves to draw, finishing that book you’ve left in the drafts, or recording the song you’ve held out on booking studio time for.
6. Go to Therapy
Sometimes, the self-healing tactics don’t work as effectively, and that’s okay. Don’t be afraid to say, “I need help.” We all do at some point in our lives. Seeking a therapist doesn’t make you “crazy,” nor is it a “waste of money.” Mental health professionals have tools that we (as everyday people) don’t specialize in fixing the problem(s) with. If you’re not up for going to the office, you could always book a virtual session.
Counselors are the non-judgmental best friends our minds need every once in a while. By talking through the hard circumstances and recognizing the root of the pain, you learn how to overcome the obstacles on your road to healing from heartbreak even better.
Undoubtedly, having to choose yourself over the one you would’ve chosen time and time again isn’t an overnight situation. It takes persistence, reflection, and even prayer. But… it can be done.
As the good adage says, “Time heals all wounds.” However, when it does, be sure you don’t go back and rip the bandaid off of what took you so long to mend. After all, you deserve to be treated with the same care you’ve (unselfishly) showered others with.
Do you have some ways to handle a holiday breakup to share? Drop them in the comments below!
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